I was heartbroken.
I cried myself to sleep, had emotional music on repeat for months, cut my hair and cried some more. Never thinking I would be happy again.
Here I am though, the happiest I have ever been and not even recognising the girl I once was. Too often we talk about single life being amazing or #relationshipgoals, we rarely talk about the steps you need to take to get there. If you are currently feeling like the former me then listen up sister, you have SO much to look forward to. Your best self isn’t a tub of ice-cream away or a new haircut, it’s in you already. I want to inspire you with the four things you have to look forward to:
Confidence
I am a MUCH more confident person. I’m talking by the bucket-load more. When I was with him, he would always take the lead in any social situation as he knew that I was too anxious. Which was nice of him, yes, I won’t deny that, but it also meant that I never got over this. When he broke up with me, I had to learn how to do these things for myself. Before, I would never talk to anybody on public transport. I would hide away under my (long) hair and put my headphones in. Now, I can chat away for minutes. If you are going through a breakup, try and get out there more, pick up a new hobby or skill. Join that boxing or pottery class. Not only will it increase your confidence but you’ll meet new friends as well.
Getting rid of the negativity
The biggest difference in me now is that I am out of my negative mindset. I no longer question if I am good enough. I’m not saying that I don’t think about bettering myself now, because I do, it’s just in a substantially less destructive manner. I don’t want to change myself for him anymore. Know the difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy one. Wanting to become a better version of yourself is amazing and something we should all strive for, make sure your partner is encouraging this and getting on board with the new you.
Perspective
This happens to everyone who has ever been dumped. I now see that he was manipulative. It can be easy to be labelled as the psycho especially as a woman but that’s just not true. Yes I was paranoid but because of situations that he would put me in. As much as some things may be your fault, some of them also aren’t. Remember what Natalie Portman said: “If a man calls a woman a psycho, ask what he did to her.” I don’t say this as a bitter ex-girlfriend but as a woman with perspective. If you have recently been dumped, know that you are worth so much more and soon you will start feeling it too.
Realisation
I now know what I want and what I am willing to put up with. I don’t want to waste my time on people who don’t treat me the way I deserve. And neither should you. We are all worthy of a relationship that is full of respect, trust and, most importantly, love. If your significant other isn’t giving you that, then why are you with them? For the ‘ease’, the ‘comfort’, the fact that the thought of dating again makes you want to curl up in the corner of your room? It honestly isn’t that bad. I went through a lot of tissues, a bad haircut and many Ryan Gosling movie-marathons to get there but the other side of being dumped is blissful and I’m genuinely grateful.
Blast ‘thank u, next’ at the highest volume and get peace of mind in that some day soon you won’t feel like your world is falling apart. Trust me, it will happen and you will be thanking your ex for breaking your heart.
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