Cutting them loose, ditching people, avoiding others ? It may seem like a pretty cut throat move and á la Blair Waldorf but when does drowning in friends’ negativity shift from being helpful to mood-changing?
When you have people who are sapping the self-esteem out of your body, or simply allowing you to fall behind on the things that really are important, be it work or spending time with important people, something is not right. The first thing, we should be thinking about in this kind of situation is, ‘Why?’
If someone is putting you down or not realising what your priorities have to be at that moment, whether it is supporting a family member, an upset friend or simply meeting your deadlines, something is going wrong somewhere along the line. Any friend that is acting a little out of character and forgetting these important things clearly has something or someone that is upsetting the balance in their life. This is only cascading in a ripple effect into your life. Therefore, the only option is to go right to the source and work out what is not working for them and why it is affecting you. Step by step, you can find away to address it with this friend and maybe even be able to support them in taking a brave move to remedy the cause of any angst that is heading your way.
In some situations, you cannot simply resolve a friends’ problem overnight. Moreover, it is often not even your problem to resolve. But is ‘ditching’ them really a solution? Perhaps, if there are deadlines putting pressure on you, or other friends’ needs take precedent, or you simply need a bit of time to switch off, compartmentalising when you see a friend that is bringing you down might be a solution. Indeed you can simply make sure you see them when your spirits are high or have another friend there to make things more relaxed. However, at the end of the day we all have times when we may not be in the best headspace. Generally speaking, it is the friends that stick with us during these times that are the most loyal and if you have someone who has gone from supporting you to quite the opposite, maybe it is your turn to be leant on. Simply dropping someone out of your life because they have things that need resolving in theirs is not necessarily a decision you will look back on with a sense of achievement. If you do, however, need a little space and to make a friendship less intense, then that is another matter.
Friendship is a balancing act. Consequently, think twice when it comes to distancing yourself from someone. It may be the last thing that person needs and turning your back on a problem may even leave you feeling bitter. For everyone’s peace of mind, it is best to keep strong morals and deal with the situation objectively. Generally speaking, if someone is holding you back, there is a reason, be it jealous, insecurity, competitiveness or disillusionment. All of these things can be navigated around; you just need to think about your route.