Obviously before starting a new job you have web-stalked every employee and if you are smart a couple of ex-employees to (to try and figure out what not to do to avoid getting fired). During this experience you have probably highlighted in your head the colleagues you want to befriend. Whether this be because of their role and potential to be a great contact, or because you like their style and seem as though they share your quirky sense of humour.
But don’t be fooled. Online profiles today are highly constructed with the employer in mind (and quite rightly so) not you; the colleague. Their online persona will be a polished version of everything they aspire to be – with certain facts omitted which are the ones on which any potential out of work friendship will be built.
As a rule, it is safe to have one or two colleagues that also get the title of out of office friends. Any more and the circle of bitchiness will enter at full force and you want to avoid your personal problems being broadcast in your professional arena. One or two can provide cover when you are actually running later after having one or two wines the night before, three or four and the rumour mill can run amock as to the real reason for your lateness.
People at work are professionals, in which case genuine from the heart niceness can be hard to hunt down as superficial niceties flow with ease in the workplace. People will ask you if you had a nice weekend when in fact they couldn’t really give a damn as they filter through the hundreds of Monday morning emails that are clouded up by the steam of the endless coffee required to tend to them. The ones you want to make friends with are the ones that tell you to sod off for a minute while they get on top of things then make a point of coming over and chatting to you at a point more convenient for them later in the day.
When picking your allies, also consider who their existing friends are because you will get lumped with them too. Scout them out for a few weeks, see who they cosy up to and who they shy away from. You definitely don’t want to pick the bosses pet unless you want that life/work line to be well and truly crossed as once you are in that inner circle your every move in and outside of work will be scrutinised and probably taken into consideration when that promotion comes up.
My advice is as the newbie, suggest welcoming drinks so you ‘can get to know everyone’ a little better. Here your task is to get everyone tiddly and see who you can gel with at a level of intoxications. After all this is where the best friendships are formed outside the work place.
Finally, always be cautious about how much you share whether colleagues make it to the friend zone or not. Because some of it may well come back and bite you in the ass further down your career line with that company.
Play nice, play safe.