We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘the past is in the past’ but in reality, how true is that? Negative situations can stay with us for much longer than we realise, often being deeply ingrained in our neuron pathways, i.e. how we think. Some examples of emotional wounds are:
Absence of one or both parents during childhood, either physically or emotionally
Rejection from peers during school years
Abuse or a different type of trauma
Pattern of loss in either friendships or love relationships
Continual criticism during childhood years
Pattern of betrayal in either friendship or love relationships
Lack of acceptance during childhood years
Pattern of maltreatment in either friendship or love relationships
Unfortunately, that’s only a few examples. These may seem insignificant to you but to others who are more vulnerable or sensitive, they can stick with them for a long time and can affect their future relationships. Examples of how they can do this are:
Fear of getting close, or even in, relationships
Desire partners who mistreat them
Tendency to self sabotage relationships
Desire partners who are emotionally unavailable
Tendency to have high expectations in other, take their behaviour personally and be easily disappointed when, in your opinion, they ‘fall short’
Those with emotional wounds have poor beliefs: they believe that they lack value and worth and should not trust others. Growing up in an environment which lacks positive examples of security, love and trust can make it harder to believe than any good can come from relationships.
However, they don’t realise that they are actually self-sabotaging themselves and causing more hurt on both their side and their potential partner – either being with a poor partner or themselves being the poor partner. Their emotional wounds prevent them from having a loving and rewarding relationship but that can change.
An awareness of ‘self’ allows you to question your behaviour and take any necessary steps to alter this. It’s important to not just question this in your romantic relationships but also any friendships you have. It might not be the easiest thing you have ever done but it might just be the most important.