I don’t know what it is about today. All day I have just wanted to get in my car and see my family. My anxiety has been pretty manageable throughout this time, remaining positive and neutral. On days like today, I remind myself that I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a job to go back to and a roof over my head. However, the feeling of being trapped has overwhelmed me.
I ask myself questions such as: “can’t you just pretend to be happy and positive because that’s what other people want?”, “Why can’t you pull yourself together?”, “What is the worst thing that is going to happen to you today?”, “Why aren’t you being grateful?”
Sometimes it is hard to slap on a smile and pull myself together. What I have learnt though triber is that nobody will understand your journey, because it is your journey. Allow yourself to have a wallow day, one day to cry and just be.
There is no shame in having a cry and saying actually I’m not okay and I need a day to recover. I can’t just exercise or meditate today, my bed is calling me instead. I now call it my ‘mental health day’. Maybe this day off to wallow and feel bad could be the thing the gets you through the next week. Today, I am not okay but tomorrow I will write in my journal, do breathing exercises, work out and practise mindfulness. I hope that you are feeling a lot better than I am today but to all those who are in the same head space as me, know that you’re not alone.